Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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