Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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