We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
