when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
