there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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