Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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