Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
