This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
