the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he was CRYING into my vagina
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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