Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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