Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
