I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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