Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
