i was born a porn star she said
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
