Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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