so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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