Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
