the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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