I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
