CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just gift wrapped bread.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
