Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
