my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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