This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
