Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize