i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
