I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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