She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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