I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
