if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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