God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
