You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
