Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I had to cum in my sink.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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