I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
