I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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