Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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