farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
