just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize