One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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