life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
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so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i've created a new STD.
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I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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