I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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