I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
