I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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