don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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