Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
