Kiss
Puke
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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