the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
