i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
