Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I didn't notice because vodka
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
