You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize