Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
