So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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