I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
there was a trapeze. enough said
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
