um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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