god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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