he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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