But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
