Bisexual people are plain selfish.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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