she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
