Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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