I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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