I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We named our party play list daddy issues
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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