somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
