oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
this boner is exhausting
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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