i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
