and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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