You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
