Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
