The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
