I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
this is an emotional support booty call
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
