I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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