you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
