he wants to bone in the snuggie
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
