Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
