It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
