at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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