why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
