I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
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Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can I color on your dick again?
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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